Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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