11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
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Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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