ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize