i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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