I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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