areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
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He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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