Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize