Where did you get a picture of my penis
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize