Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
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Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
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I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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