party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
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Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
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I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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