respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
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I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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