Apparently you make a good broom.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize