If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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