I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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