So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
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This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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