I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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