So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
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Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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