when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
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I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
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It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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