dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize