Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
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It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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