WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
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When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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