i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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