____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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