Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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