I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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