i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
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I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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