sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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