This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
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I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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