I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You pole danced in your parka.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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