You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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