She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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