exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
did i walk over a car last night?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
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Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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