All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
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My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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