watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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