Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
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It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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