New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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