rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
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Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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