Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
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I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
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I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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