I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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