I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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