Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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