He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize