I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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