Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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