We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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