hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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