Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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