Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
smell my finger.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize