i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize