the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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