The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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